When Two Became Three: My Pregnancy Journey
I have some exciting news to share with you today! Kerwin and I are both humbled and grateful to be expecting our newest family member, who is due to arrive in December. I am currently twenty-five weeks pregnant! These past few months have been filled with many physical changes that have required a lot of resting, slowing down and surrendering. Lots of surrendering. My pregnancy journey is teaching me to embrace the joy of being fully, intentionally and unapologetically present.
I was five weeks pregnant when we were pleasantly surprised with a very positive pregnancy test. It was the middle of April, and we had family in town. I was the designated tour guide and had an exciting itinerary planned for a few days. In the middle of the week, I suddenly felt exhausted, emotional, unmotivated and very short of breath. Driving, walking around and exploring San Diego left me feeling drained
The sight of benches or anything I could possibly lay or sit on beckoned me in the middle of sightseeing. At one point, I begged Kerwin to let me rest while our family explored the tide pools. Minutes later, he found me fast asleep on a flat rock, with his folded-up jacket as my pillow. The struggle was real, friends!
The Positively Positive Test
Then, one Friday night, while we were cleaning up after dinner, I felt so lightheaded, flushed, and completely drained. Everything about my symptoms felt off. I excused myself from the kitchen and decided to take a pregnancy test, thinking it would be negative. I had taken countless negative tests in the past few months and thought this one would be no different. I actually forgot about the test and thought about joining our family in the kitchen. As I started walking away, I looked down and was shocked to see two very pink solid lines. Thinking my exhaustion was now causing me to see double, I blinked hard and shook my head (as if to reset my vision).
Nope! I wasn’t imagining things. There were two very dark and solid lines. “It must be a false positive,” I thought. “It’s just not possible! It can’t be! No way!? Are you serious?!” I started doubting the test and even started talking to it, practically begging it to prove its validity…because surely, it was playing a trick on me.
I took out a digital pregnancy test to confirm and got this.
This was when I had my Sarah moment. Remember Abraham’s wife, Sarah, and how she laughed when the angel told her she would have a son at the age of ninety? I imagine my laughter very much resembled hers. There I was, alone in our bathroom, talking having a one-sided conversation with an obviously positive pregnancy test.
That night, my eagerness and excitement got the best of me. I kid you not! My Trello board of ideas for revealing my pregnancy to my wonderful husband went out the window! My excitement was far greater than my desire to have a grand pregnancy reveal. This time, unlike the first three times, I wanted things to be different. No video cameras secretly recording. No big production or hours of planning. No fancy props.
In the moment.
Sharing the Happy News
When I shared the happy news with Kerwin a couple hours later, tears of joy streamed down our faces. That very moment, we knew it was God who made this pregnancy possible. It was God who surprised us when we least expected it. He proved to be bigger than my fears and doubts. After recovering from the shock, we prayed and thanked the Lord for the gift of this new life growing inside of me.
At our twenty-week full anatomy scan, we found out we’re having a baby girl. I had always pictured myself with a girl for our firstborn, but Kerwin and I were so convinced until that point that we were having a boy and had started to think of boy names. When the ultrasound technician revealed the baby’s gender, I couldn’t fight back the tears as I realized my childhood dream of giving birth to my best friend is going to come true!
“Before I formed thee in the belly I knew thee; and before thou camest forth out of the womb I sanctified thee.”
— Jeremiah 1:5
Five months have passed since that happy day, and I’m discovering more about the joys of being a present expectant mother. My schedule was more hectic and stressful during our first three pregnancies, which ended in miscarriage. This time, I wanted things to be different. I took a much-needed period of rest from my photography business and lessened my piano teaching workload. I was committed to not overcommit and to give our precious baby a chance to grow and thrive.
Though I didn’t have morning sickness, I was overcome with exhaustion that kept me indoors for what seemed like an eternity. Fortunately, I craved fruits, salads, and healthy Filipino soups and dishes. In the middle of the first trimester, I had a few scary moments and experienced some strong cramps that brought me to the urgent care. I was put on bedrest. And rest I did!
I’m finally starting to feel a bit more energetic, but I do need to take things easy due to my 24/7 lower back and tailbone pain. Our darling girl is going through a growth spurt and making me sleepy and extra hungry these days, so I rest when I need to, and now eat almost twice as much as my husband. I still can’t believe this is possible!
Growing a baby in a very petite frame is not easy (and often leaves me breathless), but hey, where the stretching abounds, God’s strength abounds even more! I’m excited to share more about the lessons I’m learning along the way.
I’ll end with this photo of our darling girl at twenty weeks…ready to kick mommy.
Let me know in the comment section below.